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The thing is

He's gonna be completely rebooted
He's not going to be Sonic and Amy's son

I still have to think of a good story for him for now...but he's gonna be in my back burner of characters because I'm still thinking of a possibly way he could fit into my story.
I dunno but every bit helps.

ko-fi.com/bluestarpost
Hey guys

Well things didn't go so well today but I'm hanging in there...I'm kinda still down but I'm trying heh heh...

Anyway, if you guys don't mind I wanna do some commissions so I can save up at least, my job did cut my hours and because of bills, NYCC and other stuff I'm down to no money and I don't think my brother is going to help again, so I'm gonna try my best...

I'm sorry if I start posting emo stuff on here...I'm just still kinda down about a few things in my life and I'm hoping everything will be okay at least.

Anyway I'm gonna probably either stream them or just open commissions and do them since I have a lot more time this time...so let me know if you are interested I'm trying to raise at least $300-400 as my goal for a while only because I kinda need to get out.

So here's the commission info if you need to know
Commission Are Open by WishesareEternal
Hey guys...

Now before I get into this journal please don't go reading this and then instantly attack the person, like please it would really make me feel a lot better if there was no sudden hostility or resentment, as I have been preaching over and over about how we shouldn't go hating or bashing people.

As some of you know or maybe not, me and Guardian broke up a few years ago...I never made much of a announcement because of paranoia of strangers hitting me up or whatever, I am not even interested in a relationship and to be honest I still have feelings for Guardian during this timeframe...it's been rough for me and while we are still friends sometimes it's hard because there's that concept of the fact that my heart was still broken and my anxiety isn't well for that.

It's been sometimes rough coming here...knowing that the person you broke up with also has an account and sometimes it's nerve wracking to post...because Guardian would always fav my art...even when were still friends he didn't mind that I was still drawing his character and mine, and I still commissioned artist to draw them...it got to that point in a sense where some things were out of line and while I was just being nice, it escalated into making me feel bad for doing a nice thing.

Now before you all go "He doesn't deserve you then!" I have come to reason that you can't please everyone...it's not me, it's his problem not mine and to be honest I don't mind doing the little things, it's when it gets the worst out of me that bothers me and now that I realized it more and more...I feel like maybe I should throw in my white flag...it hurts so much to say it...and I have been on a break down about this for quite a while.

But it's not only just that...as maybe some of you know...my brother just had his girlfriend move into our house and since then things got hectic...along the same day I got a new job and had to leave to Vermont to see Guardian, along in the mix losing my cat...things got crazy at home and with my family...my brother has been somewhat not as reliable as I thought and basically just does things for himself or his girlfriend...my hours at my job got cut and I have been searching for a better job because they won't do anything about my hours so this causes me to not have a lot on me, I pay for the internet and stuff running for our house and food for myself as my brother did put his girlfriend in charge of groceries but she mostly buys stuff for her and my brother and when I ask them to buy me a few things they miss the important stuff I need and it causes me to do it myself...just today I ask my brother to give me couple of bucks just to grab something quick and he tells me to only spend 5-6 dollars. (Which I know yes at least he gave me money but seriously...when it's your own sibling I feel that's just kinda messed up considering a few times I gave him money or things I never got cheap with him)
Then I asked him if we can get take out because I was cleaning the house and I was too tired to make anything, he gives me an excuse that fast food is expensive and yet the kid makes a lot of money, he does and I applaud him for that, his girlfriend works the same job as me and she has more hours than I do...oh and speaking of which, when my car broke down and I needed a ride...she never offered and I drove her to the dentist for her surgery and didn't even get a thank you.

So this is why I asked about doing the $10 sketch commissions and also I do plan on moving out once I try to gather as much money, I did ask my family for help and then put me down about it...in a way the only person I can depend on is my sister and I'm not even sure...And what gets me even more down is that I'm not begging for pity or seeking attention...I just wanna be heard and appreciated.

I know I'm not as popular or inspiring as any artists out there...and I don't wanna compare, I think that was one of my problems was comparing other people to myself but now I realized that everyone is fighting their own battles but what I am saying is...it's been super rough and I just hope and pray things turn around...I'm just so tired and yes I did talk to my brother about it and he still doesn't listen or even in the slightest care unless it's his girlfriend.

So all I'm asking is...and please don't attack Guardian, I'm just putting this out there because yes I am sad, no I am not asking for pity or you guys to draw things for me and Guardian if you are reading this...I am very sorry...very very sorry and I hope we can work something out.

And I'm not deleting or doing anything to this account but I am going to keep drawing, all I ask is you respect my space a little...because I am still very broken from everything..but I'm trying my best to be okay.
Anyone interested I'm kinda in a bit of a jam and I just need a couple of bucks to last me until Thursday.

Anyway colored sketches look like this or this depends on what you're looking for.
Comm-Magical Girl Cream by WishesareEternal Happy Birthday Chibiirose by WishesareEternal

Let me know I may even stream it as well.
So I finally did the unthinkable and actually managed to record myself playing Sonic Mania...I'm nervous because I kinda wanted to do it for quite a while but so far I did it!

Check it out (I'll fix the thumbnail video soon)
I may do a few more as time goes on but sadly I go back to work and I may not have time.

I was hoping to do more stuff on my vacation but hey I got my first part of my Levity Hills fanfic up, did a few drawings and got this uploaded...so I did something productive XD
So here's the thing, my Sonic Mania Collector's edition for the PC already came but I also have it for the Switch so I have two copies basically.

I'm selling my PC version for anyone who wants it for a price of $15 if anyone's interested, let me know in the comments or via note. :D

Also I will be streaming the game soon around 10 PM EST so stop on by!
Even if others don't love me, I am still loved and capable of being loved.

I have value and a purpose

Growing up sucks but I feel I'm getting there and I will get there

I am beautiful

I am a good person

I'm a great loving friend

If people don't wanna accept who I am or that I am better than the negatives inside of me, it's their loss.

What matters is you tired

I am  not wrong for feeling the way I feel, people have emotions and that's okay

I'm just trying to help

I don't need anyone to bring me down or hurt me, that's on them if they wanna go down that road...I'm aiming for a better one and I will not walk away from you but you are free to join me if you want to be happy..if not there's the door.

I will be happy

It's okay to feel sad sometimes.

I love you! Please don't forget that okay?


*takes a deep breath*

I feel good.
Hey guys! I just wanted to announce that I am going to Toomanygames this year, Mike Pollock, Crush 40, Hyper Potions and Matt Herms will be there...Along my favorite youtubers with Somecallmejohnny, Cadicarus Vinny from Vine Sauce and Cobermani will be there.

I'm not sure I should cosplay Amy Rose, but since it's going to be Sonic themed this year I might as well...I'm really excited! It's basically my graduation present to myself.

I can't wait for all the panels, like Crush 40 and Hyper Potions in concert and the Roast of Sonic the Hedgehog,  and getting a lot of autographs...I'm gonna print out my Eternal Wishes poster and get it signed by some peeps :)

If you're going let me know! We can meet up and stuff :)
I dunno a lot of my friends use it and I've been kinda abandoning skype

Just I dunno what it's for and if I get one would anyone wanna join or something?

Let me know and I'll post mine up soon when I get to it XD
You know...because I am one of those people :P

Btw the instant I saw all the stuff Nintendo was offering the wave urge to do fan art just sprung...I had so many New Canvases on  my Sai open like...whoa!

I have to say that I am totally going to invest in getting a switch, I'm just waiting for my discount card at my job to come in so I can get 40% off on it...thank the lords I work at Walmart ROTFL

Also Sonic Forces' new villain...holy macaroni I am sold, I'm very happy they introduced a new villain and he looks really neat...kinda reminds me of Darkrai mixed with Noibat...Sega you looking at Pokemon?

I can't stop singing the Mario Odyssey theme song and it's been confirmed that it is Pauline singing....so does that mean Pauline is making a comeback? Because I am hyped :D

Kirby game looks amazing and it's so cool you can combine the enemy abilities..I was getting a wave of Kirby 64 vibes with the ability to combine elements

Also off topic, Star Vs got a new opening for Season 3...oh man...the nerd in me is just screaming everywhere and my artist mind is going insane...ahh

So many drawings to do...lots of time but mostly my head injury is still affecting me, I get headaches sometimes and sometimes I get all dysfunctional, kinda glad I didn't get hit in the very back of my head I dunno what would have happened XD but I'm recovering at the least.
I feel a bit better, just stress but yeah I feel better...I got motivated to do more stuff and what not.


I'm still trying to self reflect upon myself...but I'm figuring out who I am and my sleep schedule is a little better this time, I think work is why but it's still exhausting.

I'm pretty content because I drew up a storm, so I have unfinished stuff to work on but I actually enjoy that because I like working on them later XD
Hey guys! It's been quite a while since I posted a journal but I've been sorta busy with my job...I work 8-9 hour shifts but I'm off usually on the weekdays, the weekends are just so stressful but hey...I get to sleep in a lot and the job is just me in the office or stands making sure people don't steal...I basically get paid to stand around but it gets boring and lonely XD.

Anyway...I wanted to wait until I reached my 100,000 pageview to talk about that I just received my diploma in 2D animation after 2 years of doing it...I had to pay off a small loan that explains why I was working so much but it paid off...I'm now in the leagues and now I'm wondering where the next step in my life will take me.

I am thinking about studying further...either abroad or somewhere in the states...I looked at colleges but I haven't applied to them yet...some Boston, Maine, Savannah College and CalArts...I even narrowed down a few that would be a last resort like Pratt, UArts, NYU and SVA.

But I really do wanna go see it out there...and CalArts is my dream school...just I don't know if I could achieve it...I'm scared of even going off on my own because even though I have been doing things on my own my whole life...I'm actually scared of actually doing something that is my own decision and there's no...I guess flat land to stand on.

I know that I have my friends...my family and you guys for support...and it means a lot...just a lot has been riding on me that I guess I'm scared of the future in a sense, I feel like I still have all this weight on my shoulders and I wanna be sure that once I get it out, things will be okay...my dream is to go out there and see the world and learn it all...and now that I do have this, I guess it's like I wanna be sure I still have my heart set on the things I have been so passionate about...and this goes to anyone I have opened or poured my heart out to...that I'm here and I hope they will be too...?

Anyway, I finally did that part of my life...so now I should be happy and I am, it's been a rough two years with it...especially working a job and doing so many projects, I have personal issues along in the mix...I'm still shaking from it all even though I should have been over it...but I guess that's what happens when there's so much while you're doing stuff.

Anyway I have until a year to figure it out so right now I'm doing research, still thinking about it and my future...it's eating at me much harder than I thought but I am still young...I'm sure as long as I do what I set my heart into I will be fine, and this goes out to anyone else who wants to achieve something...just take baby steps...do your best and remember that doing what you love despite of fear is courage.

For now I am still doing my art...I actually have an AMV I'm working on with my Galaxy's Landing comic of the new hit song by Foster the People "Pay the Man." and I'm also working still on that Game Grumps animation also yeah...I'm still looking up at the sky and going to the top...even tho there's some things holding me a bit down...I'm a little teary eyed right now but I'm okay...

Also, I heard a lot of Sonic comic artist actually attend or attended SCAD...and it's one of my choices along with CalArts...SVA is my last resort because in a way, I don't wanna be in the city anymore (Kinda tired of it since I've been back and forth all my life) so I wanna know what would I be expecting.

Thanks for all the support those past 2 years and so on and also thank you for the 100,000 views, it means a lot to me really...I never thought I'd reach it and I still am shocked you guys actually like my art and stuff..I am still gonna draw Sonic and whatnot so you can guarantee I'm not gonna grow out of anything because I don't XD
I kinda flew off the face of the planet basically, sorry about that just I wasn't sure about staying here and just posting on tumblr instead but ehh...milestones right?

I still do post on tumblr for content though because I feel DA is more so for like fanart but I will probably post original stuff just not all of it..but yeah check out my tumblr if you are interested the link is on my profile page.

Anywho! I kinda have an art block in a sense...actually it's not that I don't know what to draw it's just distractions, I beat Breath of Wild and man I have a lot to say about it...maybe I'll post a Vlog about it on my tumblr but yeah, I got the true ending and the final boss was fun...not a challenge but it was fun.

Also, sadly I got stressed out with that job I just got, it's not a good place to be with everyone not doing their job and the manager not being aware I was never trained for things, and not getting a chance to even try out the thing I was trained for...I had to figure things out on my own and it winded up making me a bit slow on things and causing drama that wasn't needed, luckily one manager had my back but I barely see her and whenever she's not there it's like they have the chance prey on me...it's weird as hell..but I didn't show up yesterday because I wasn't even scheduled and they put my name in twice just my name was misspelled and I decided not to take that schedule seriously and just listen to the one that has my name right...I'm very sensitive about my name and last name so when people say or misspell it I get very much annoyed especially when I stated it a few times and this is one of the reasons...not to mention I find it important because it's shit like this that's why.

I did find a few jobs I got accepted for so I'm looking into those so no worries...just that whole mess has got me wondering about my whole "Fitting in" situation and wondering where I stand in my life and others...it sometimes got me thinking I wasn't needed or important but I shook it out when my old job wanted me back which I re-applied for but I'm looking to see if this new job would be interesting, I usually shop there for con stuff too so I would get discounts XD

I decided as well with all the stress from previously with job hunting and backed up bills and other stuff...I could use a break like a short vacation, so in two weeks I will be going on a 3 day trip up further north in Vermont to visit Guardian, which I'm pretty excited for :) I'm gonna make him play Zelda and he's going to like it!

OR ELSE
I saw a bunch of other artist doing it so I figured why not XD there are some limits though to my questions like anything personal I won't answer so if it pertains to someone or where I live I won't answer.

Anyway, I've been pretty busy with work and what not...it's a bit stressful but I'm managing XD also still trying to keep my mind busy with my art too
Sorry I haven't posted much Video games and my new job kinda have been taking over my life in a way...I wanna draw but then Zelda takes over and I'm trying to control my playtime so I can get better sleep for work which I start soon.

Anyway this has been on my mind for a while basically because of my whole life just wondering how things are...I don't have a lot of friends, and the ones I'm cool with are far so traveling is a bit hard for me it doesn't bother me that I don't have many close friends but I have a select few I am just basically able to talk to I only have one close close friend in the world and I'm okay with that.

I want everyone to know that you should never feel guilty for what you do feel eat, or say if that's what you feel is right/good for you, don't let anyone push you to try things that you don't feel like doing or guilt you by saying what it is that you do is bad for you, as long as you're careful and happy...you are fine.

I say this because I cannot stress enough with facebook...let alone skype now, I have a friend who is vegan and wonders why nobody won't talk to her or everyone thinks she is a jerk...I don't think she is a jerk but she needs to understand that people are people...we do what we feel like doing, I'm all for food I love food I love all sorts of it, I have tried vegan diets and some of them are pretty good, and I think it's great to eat what you feel is right..but please don't judge us for those who just eat whatever like meat...because she basically told me I'm even torturing fish and other seafood category animals...even to her eating eggs and drinking milk is torturing cows and chickens if you are putting them in your diet.

I tried to be cool and tell her I am happy with what I eat and I am still alive and breathing, but she then told me I am not a true lover or animals...which I guess I am not but that doesn't mean I'm all for baby seal clubbing or slow loris trafficking because those I am not for...animals like those don't benefit to being killed at all, because they're killed for no good reason.

Again, I support anyone who just does what they want and doesn't put anyone down or make them feel guilty or enforce them that it makes the other party uncomfortable...if anything just live your life and the right people will come along, nobody is going to have the same view point that's what makes the world so vast because if everyone was doing the same trend...it would be a boring world.
So my job hunt has still been a bit of a run out...I don't feel too down about it, and I'm not gonna feel like a failure...because that's the least I wanna feel, but I did say as my last resort I would go back to my old job if worse came to worse but I did have history with it so at least I'll feel confident enough and whatnot.

For the time being fingers crossed anyway that I don't have a hard time coming back, apparently they have a new manager now and nobody finds her comforting basically she sucks at hiring but since I have been pretty good friends with the people who work there I have back up, plus my department manager is still there and I happen to have her good side...so again there is hope.

Since I am done with school it's not much of a huge deal, my reason for why I left was because of school since I always worked late and didn't have time to finish things, but since I am finished I might go in full time...it depends because that job did also exhaust me XD.

Now as well, life has been a bit of an up and down kinda motion...personal issues and health mostly, I was sick with a really bad cold and low blood pressure, but I'm pretty decent for now but I'm more so focusing on trying to still figure things out financially which is getting there but I'm still in a bind and I wanna be prepared for the March.

I have my tax returns I need to do, which I'm starting ASAP but for now I am still opening for commissions and also doing some thinking...I was planning on doing a certain theme with streaming and I was wondering if you guys would be more active if I was to say do an art stream Saturday and I was planning on playing some games Friday.

I wanted to do a small donation which I thought would be silly because I'm not in DEEP trouble but I am in a huge bind with my bills and rent and I WOULD really appreciate the help I could get, I mean I know maybe it's a shot in the dark but all I can do is hope for the best.

So please if anyone is reading this I am still open for commissions and I wanted to do a sketch charity stream even if it's by myself which I guess wouldn't be a charity but I am in trouble and I could use all the help I could get, along with even bringing some entertainment playing some games....it was gonna be a SatARTday Stream on Saturdays and a Fan Game Friday on Fridays.

I did get into play Pokemon fan games and I just got into the new fan game that was out recently so if anyone is interested in watching me and play and wants to to donate would be greatly appreciated, just any support and luck is fine, like I said I could use the help and it's been a stressful month but I'm staying strong and positive...and trying really hard to keep things in line.
So with Valentines Day coming tomorrow, I did post an example of it but if you are interested send me a note or comment here :)

I might also stream tomorrow night if anyone's interested...I know V-day is a kinda sorta stressful day but I figured I'd be a good sport and do something neat for that day, I don't expect anything anyway on that day nor do I care much for it as I use to...wow that sounds like I'm being sore about it but eh...it's life.

Anyway pixel icons would look like these and they would cost $15 single or pairs.

Guardian and Blue pixel by WishesareEternal

If you are interested in other commissions you can also note me as well for any questions or inquiries.
Just in case yes this is one of those long vent journals or whatever...and I am allowed to vent so it's like I'm whining or anything, to be honest I am pretty confident this time that this is gonna be a good week...I got some job interviews I have to do, I'm hoping and praying I land one of them...I really do hope for the Class instructor since I love teaching people more, but we shall see.

Anyway, I really hate to sound negative about this topic...since I remember stating that I wanted to build positivity around...but this is just something that has bothered me the past few weeks and now it's starting to come full circle with what has been going on with the week I was having...it has nothing to do with this site but I'm mostly talking about the friends in my life that I helped and I mean in terms of when they were in trouble or needed something or asked for a favor.

I one time did help a friend when she has issues at home, and things got out of hand that she costed me a lot of money, I had confronted her about it and then she avoided me and talked about how clingy I was when she said she was going to pay me back and I asked when because I had a deadline and not enough on my part. A few years later, I put the thing behind me because I was able to fix it on my own in a way and I even tried to be civil and be friends again...
So you would think everything would be fine and we can talk like friends should talk and what not...but no not really, whenever I was going through some issues (Like small things like I was sad about something) she brushed me off or whatever...I tried again to be civil, I even asked and she got insanely psycho on me and I backed off and we talked again...but, the reason was because SHE needed a shoulder.

And what did I do? I became that shoulder...sadly. I know you're all going "Bettina Jesus Christ! You should have just blocked her or something, that's not fair!"

No it's not, but...I'm just too nice is my problem, I mean...I did stand my ground at times and she did back off, but I still made sure she was okay at least because again...I don't like to see anyone in trouble.

The thing is I did help her and she wanted to make a change and stated to me that she would pay me back, this was months ago...she told me she would pay me back but I never got anything, she told me she bought me some gifts I never saw them, and at the time I let that slide because I didn't care I had my own money and I didn't need hers.

But now...I'm still in a bind and I even kindly asked her about it...she said she was going to do it on that certain day and I went to remind her to make sure she actually does it this time...no response, she saw my message and again, this has happened before a few months ago...

Now I have another friend that did the same thing to me, and he went over the line.
He asked me how the commission stuff was going and I told him it was a bit slow, then he decided to commission me...he has thought about commissioning me for a long while but everytime when I asked him what he wanted he never responded...then now of all sudden, he decides to...but it gets a bit personal.

I stated this before here that he confided in me about a sort of thing he liked...I dunno if it's a fetish or anything because I don't really get that nor am I interested in it...he was into something with feet but like..I dunno something with stomping or when the feet is the object of view..or however you would word that...I dunno all I know was I wasn't comfortable about it and that reason was mainly because he asked for pictures of me with my feet sticking out like I was stomping someone and I just wasn't okay at all and not only that he had a girlfriend at the time and to throw in the red flag more he fantasized about me doing that to him EVEN while he was with his girlfriend.

So at that point, it weirded me out and I didn't know what to do...I did confront him about it and told him that I didn't wanna talk about it anymore and that I wasn't comfortable...he said he understood but still brought up in small ways, I tried to keep the friendship but at this point now I just told him no more and we can try to be friends...he did offer to help me out with nothing in exchange and said he was never going to bring it up so when I tried to ask if it was okay that I still just drew him some of his favorite characters just no fetish stuff he was fine and said he would still pay for them.

And I didn't get a response at that either...and it was because he didn't have anyone to go to for the fetish stuff and thought I would be okay with it when I said I wasn't...so basically he lied to me and wanted me to pay him money to basically please him because he even offered me money for photos.

So basically all I'm saying out of this is..is it selfish that all I ask for is just some help and that I just don't want any bullshit in exchange or issues...because I don't know it seems that way with a few of my friends...it's nobody on this site because I don't socialize much on here but mostly my IRL friends who do this to me...All I ask is maybe just to hear me out or whatever or be there when I'm in trouble but it's like a hassle sometimes.

Anyway, I'm done venting...sorry if this may sound negative but I mean I'm upset about it, but I'm keeping my head high about it.
I was actually watching some youtubers talk about self esteem and they did say that the best way to help with that is to share positive vibes with others who need it so I figured I'd do my part and share what's been going on.

I know the new year is over and my week hasn't been so glamour bright but with all the cheering and support and stuff, I'd thought I'd share some thoughts too

bluesy-woozy.tumblr.com/post/1…